 |
| Want
to go home click here... |
 |
| All
the latest news & events locally... |
 |
| Information
about the BCS... |
 |
| Information
about membership to the BCS... |
 |
| Review
of the Blackcountryman... |
 |
| links
to other sites you may find interesting... |
 |
| Publications
you may also find interesting... |
 |
| 10
things you didn't know about the Black Country |
 |
| Information
on how to contact us... |
|
 |
 |
| Black Country Humour - Winter 2001 |
by Stan Hill
Aynuk: Con yer gimme the number of Ensnett Fish bar?
Operator: Sorry - there's no listing. Have you got the spelling correct?
Aynuk: Well, it used to be called Pensnett Fish Bar but the 'P' fell off.
o-o-o-o-o
Ayli could not sleep one night and at 3am decided to give Aynuk a telephone call.
Ayli: I 'ope I ay disturbin' yer.
Aynuk: No or kid, it's OK. I ad ter gerrup ter answer the 'phone.
o-o-o-o-o
Aynuk: Con yer gimme the number of the Woven Knitwear Company?
Operator: Woven? - are you sure that you have the correct name?
Aynuk: Oh ar - it's 'ere on me scarf, 'Woven in Scotland'.
o-o-o-o-o
Aynuk and Ayli had been apprehended by a policeman in the early hours and he questioned them: And where do you live?
Aynuk: No fixed abode.
Policeman to Ayli: So where do you live then?
Ayli: Ah'n gorra flat above 'im.
o-o-o-o-o
Ayli was on his way home late one night and as he had had a few was bold enough to take a short cut through the cemetery. Halfway through he heard cries for help coming from a grave, newly dug for an interment the following day.
Voice from the grave: 'elp me out, 'elp me out. It ay arf code down 'ere.
Curious, Ayli went to the edge of the excavation and peered down assessing the situation.
Ayli: Of course yow’m code, yer daft beggar, yo'an kicked all yer top covering off.
o-o-o-o-o
When Aynuk was foreman of Williams's Presswork Ltd. down the Level the manager told him that the owner's son was coming to help him during August and Aynuk was to see that he was made to think that he was useful. The lad turned up on the first Monday morning and reported for work. Aynuk was occupied making notes from the back page of The Mirror.
Aynuk: Ah'm busy at the moment so gerra hold on that broom thee-er and sweep down each aisle between them machines.
Owner's son: But I'm a university student.
Aynuk: Oh, am yer now? Right, ah sholl atter cum an' show yer 'ow ter do it'.
o-o-o-o-o
Aynuk: Ay yoe.
Ayli: 'Oom yoe a yoin?
Aynuk: Ah'm a yoin' yoe.
o-o-o-o-o
Ayli: Is that South Staff Wairter plc?
Operator: Yes, which department do you want?
Ayli: Tap wairter please.
o-o-o-o-o
Caller to Jim Shelley (Black Country Personality No.52) on Carl Chinn's BBC Radio WM programme: Hallo Jim, I'm Charlie the tradesman who used to call on you. Have you still got that gondola in your garage?
Jim Shelley: Hallo Charlie, nice to hear from you. Yes, I've still got that conveyance in the garage but it's a Lagonda, not a gondola.
o-o-o-o-o
Little Aynuk at his cousin's wedding: Why is me cousin's bride dressed up like a dog's dinner?
Little Aynuk's mother: 'Cause it's the 'appiest day of 'er life'
Little Aynuk: Oh ar, is me cousin Turn dressed all in black then?
o-o-o-o-o
|
|
|
|
|
